6 Things I Love about my 6 Month Old

1. I love when he falls asleep on my chest.

2. I love when he smiles.

3. I love when he squeals with delight.

4. I love the look of amazement he has in his eyes when he discovers something new in the world.

5. I love watching him smile why he sleeps.

6. I love how sweet and cuddly he is.

I love being Sprout's mommy.

Sunday

To be honest, I was a little reluctant to go to church Sunday night. Since I started teaching again, I have been running on fumes and trying to get everything done. A big part of me wanted to cry because I knew just how hard I had been working ... and I knew that I would be up all night trying to finish everything ... and I knew the baby would get up a couple of times ... and I knew that I would not be able to catch up on sleep for a week... However, I did not go to the night service the previous week. I knew that I was on the verge of starting a habit that I would regret. I need Sundays.



As Andrew was on stage strumming the bass guitar, the baby and I were sitting on the front pew. Sprout's attention span can only be stretched so far. His squirming became more and more intense. I needed to keep him calm. Instinctively, I held him close to me. My embrace did not allow Baby to flail his arms any longer. Gently, we rocked back and forth together. With each sway, I felt Little Man relax more and more. I kissed the head of a calm and content baby.

As I sat there holding my child, I thought about my Heavenly Father holding me. I am the first one to admit that I rely on myself way too much. I have plans for me and things around me. My persistent nature is one of my greatest gifts and one of my biggest flaws. And when things go this way and that, I flail my arms like crazy as I try to grab all of the pieces and put them back together. While there is nothing wrong about being proactive, there is definitely something wrong with taking things into your own hands. God is in control of everything. I need to allow Him to embrace me and to keep me still. Only then will I find peace and rest.

Moments

Each day after work, your daddy meets me with you in his arms. You look at me and give me this instaneous smile. You go from daddy's embrace to mine ... and you and I just smile at each other for a while. Then I kiss you on your cheeks and you modify your smile to an open-mouthed grin. I nurse you right away. You are always willing to eat and I love to hold you as close to me as possible. All too soon, you are ready to go to sleep ... but I am not ready to put you down. I lay you on my chest and let you dream close to my heart. When I breathe, I mimic your breaths so we feel like we are sharing one body again. You are your own little person now, but I will never be able to separate myself from you. I close my eyes and love the moment. Sometimes I wish that moments would not be fleeting by nature.

I love you, my little boy.

My Husband is Wise

Andrew says, "It's not just what decision we make. It's what we do with that decision once it's made. That matters just as much." God really blessed me with a man who sees beyond situations that are here and now.

Right

Dear Sprout,

As you grow, you will find that it is relatively easy to distinguish right from wrong. Be kind, not mean. Be encouraging and uplifting, not negative and belittleing. Try your best, don't give up. However, you will find that there are also instances when you are not exactly sure what "right" is. There will undoubtedly be times when you will have to make a decision and you pray that you made the correct one. Right now, Mommy and Daddy are doing just that.

When I was pregnant, the decision was made that I would stay home with you. We knew that one income would still cover our expenses. Although a strict budget would have to be enforced, we were determined to make it work. The one thing we did not know was that Dad would be laid off. When this happened, we thought that another job would present itself and that we would continue on with "Plan A." As time went on, we came up with "Plan B" ... we'd both find part time jobs ... easier said than done. Perhaps it's time for "Plan C" -- Mommy will go back to teaching full time and Daddy will stay home with you.

Plans A, B, and C are all different, but they do have one thing in common. One of us will be your caretaker. When praying about this early on, we both thought that Mommy would be that one ... and she still might be, we just aren't sure. Maybe you will get to spend lots of your time with Daddy. Maybe that's "right." You see some babies stay home with mommies, some with daddies, some with relatives or friends, some go to daycare, some go to a sitter... What's correct for one family may not be for another family. Even though all of these options aren't the same, parents do what's best for their particular child at that particular time. And this family, your slightly perplexed family, will continue to pray and seek to do what is best for you. It is so important that in the midst of all this busybody searching mess that Mommy and Daddy remember to BE STILL and know that God knows what is best.

Several years ago, a pastor told me "You want what's good for you but God wants what's best for you." Please remember this.

Love always,
Mommy

Little Note

Dear Sprout,

I don't have much to say tonight, but I wanted to write you a letter anyway. Right now, I am watching you sleep peacefully in your little bed. I am so tired and I had decided that I would go to bed as soon after you were placed in your bassinet. However, here I am looking at you instead. Sometimes I can't believe that you are really here ... that you are my baby ... that I am a mom ... that I have a son... Although I am sleepy, part of me does not want to close my eyes. I know that even the best dream could not top a simple moment like this one. It's a funny thing my little one, some would say that an uneventful night like this is nothing special -- however, I dare say that times like these are the very ones that make our lives a bit more meaningful.

Good night, my sweet boy.

Love always,

Mommy

A Change in Perspective

Dear Sprout,

Yesterday, as I was rocking you back and forth, your daddy and I had a little discussion with you. The most important thing that we told you was that you would always be our little baby -- even when you are 93! Yes, no matter how big you get and no matter how many birthday candles you blow out, you will always be our child. As long as we are on this Earth, we will be praying for you, teaching you, protecting you, and loving you with the kind of love that you will understand when you become a daddy some day. And, when we are in heaven, we will look down and smile at the wonderful old man that is still our little boy.

As I ponder all of these things in my mind, I cannot help but think about the people around me. Most obviously when I see a child, I think about how precious that little one is and how I love you. However, this train of thought is no longer limited to youth. It applies to older people as well ... even people who are much older than I am. For example, if you get a cold, I obviously will do my best to take care of you -- my baby. When you are an old man, and you get a cold, I still want you to be taken care of. Now, even when I see someone who is older who needs something, my heart reminds me that he or she is still someone's child ... "Anna, take care of that precious person." Since I gave birth to you, my perspective on humanity has changed.

Thank you for giving me a mother's heart.

Love always,
Mommy