confession

Confession: Right now I should be cleaning our house. You, my little love, are asleep – opportunity knocks and cloudy windows are calling my name. However, in my defense, you fell asleep in my arms. Instead of putting you down, I continued to sit criss-cross legged holding you. You make the most adorable faces when you sleep. The analytical part of me said to put you down but my heart urged me to enjoy the moment in time … and the winner was: MY HEART! Yay!!!!!!!!!!! It was a wonderful decision as you can bring me immense joy even when you are in dreamland. I finally put you down on the bed next to me. I promise I will clean the house but right now I just want to jot down some of the infinite number of things that I love about you…………

1. I love your bright eyes. It should be noted that you entered the world this way … literally. Your daddy said you were looking around even before you were completely delivered. When the nurse placed you in my arms in your baby-burrito swaddle, you gazed right at me nonstop. It touched me because it was clear that you knew exactly who I was. I knew that even though we were physically separated that we would always have a connection. I digress… Anyway, the nurses nick-named you “Bright Eyes” because you were so alert all of the time. You continue to look at everything with sheer amazement. I think the world would be a better place if we all gave things our full attention like you do.

2. I love how you smile in your sleep. Many people say that infant smiles are nothing but a response to gas. Baby Sprout, I refuse to believe that. Your little grin is one of complete joy and bliss. In the Bible, it talks about how God knits babies together in their mothers’ wombs. When I was pregnant I would think about this verse and it brought me great comfort to know that you were so close to God. Because of this, I can’t help but think that when you smile in your sleep you are somehow connecting with your loving creator.

3. I love your “turtle face.” When you want to eat, you purse your lips together (like you are about to blow a kiss) and stretch out your neck. Daddy says you look like a little turtle when you do this – you really do! It is so cute and it is one of things that make you uniquely you!

4. I love that you give your mommy kisses. I admit that sometimes I have to kiss you right on your little lips. You are so cute and I cannot help myself! Therefore, I blame it all on you and your adorableness. In response you make a little clicking noise and you give me your own little kiss right back.

5. I love your voice. You make the cutest little sounds I have ever heard. Sometimes you gently coo like a dove. Your favorite words are “gaaa” and “arg.” Then there are other times when you talk as loud as you can. Sometimes you’ll even startle yourself! Your favorite loud word is “aweaweaweawe” (4 syllables). When you talk to someone, your face is so expressive. You know exactly what you are saying. Also, when it is your turn to listen you show your intense interest with your highly mobile eyebrows and forehead.

6. I love your smile! Man, do I love your smile! Your daddy and I will talk to you and then all of the sudden you give us this fantastic toothless grin. Your entire face lights up. All at once you cause us to change our conversation with you to one that is characterized by high-pitched baby language. We can’t help ourselves!

7. I love the joy you bring. Even though you are still a newborn, you have brought so much happiness to so many people. Somehow holding you makes the day just a bit brighter.

8. I love YOU! I love every single thing about you! You are a wonderful creation and we are thankful for you being just the way you are. J

Okay, now to do the laundry…………..

Hold Your Head Up High

Dear Sprout,

You are almost two months old now! You amaze me with all of the new things that you can do. Your little pursed lips can break into a bigger-than-life grin, you are now fluent in baby language, and you can hold your little head up for an extended period of time. I can’t believe that I am folding up and storing tiny clothes that you have outgrown already. My “little sunshine” is growing faster that I would have ever imagined.

I love sitting you up on my lap and watching you hold up your little head with a perplexed look of accomplishment on your itty-bitty face. I imagine that you are thinking, “I am a big man. I can hold up my head just like daddy. Me and him are like two peas in a pod.” Afterwards, I place your tummy against my chest and enjoy holding you in my arms. You continue to hold up your head as long as you can. Whenever the need arises, you rest your little head against my cheek. Bliss.

I once was with your daddy when he had to have a difficult discussion with someone else. Sadly, the person that he was talking to said a lot bad things using bad words. Many men would have responded to such a situation by acting just like the antagonist. However, your daddy did not. He said everything that he needed to say in a very gentlemanly manner. I was very sad that your daddy had to be in that position to begin with – but I was so proud that he acted with dignity and integrity despite the circumstances. He held his head up high.

Sadly, when you get older you will have your feelings hurt. There will be people who disappoint you with their words and their actions. I am sure that there will be instances where you will want to respond in a similar fashion. You may even want to hurt, embarrass, and humiliate such people so they can know what it feels like. Do not. Clean aptly chosen words are far more powerful than impromptu obscenities. Acting in a self-respecting manner even when in difficult conditions will have more of an impact than you can ever imagine.

Right now you do not have to worry about such things. You are too little to understand unkind words. However, it is my prayer that Mommy and Daddy will teach you the correct way to respond by example. As you grow, we will help you as much as we can when you do not know what to do. We expect that when you are old enough to act on your own that you will keep your head held high. Never forget that you are to be a light in the world. God will give you direction and guidance … and mommy will have a cheek for you to lean your precious little head on whenever the need arises.

Love always,

Mommy

Trying New Things

Dear Sprout,

Your due date has come and gone, and you are still residing in mommy's tummy. Your measurements are great and you have a strong heartbeat -- you're doing just fine, kid. However, you do not seem to have any plans to make your debut any time soon. I guess you like being snug as a bug, curled up in a little ball inside of me. You are content and you probably think that life couldn't get any better ... but I promise you, it does.

There are so many wonderful things that are awaiting you. Do you know that you have dogs, cats, and chickens!? You have the coolest little room I have ever seen. It looks like a wilderness with a cozy little log cabin! You even have your very own miniature powder horn. All of these things are ready and waiting for you.

Your daddy and I are going to do so many things with you. We are going to take you camping and you will see millions of fireflies lighting up at the same time. Your granddaddy is going to teach you how to play the fiddle so you can be the youngest member of the Possum Holler band. You will even learn how to swim like a little fish! You will receive dozens of hugs and kisses everyday; you'll also get secret hugs and kisses when you are fast asleep. I already have a special spot that I picked out on your forehead just for that!

We will go to the hospital to have you in less than a week. You will not be the only one experiencing something novel -- Daddy and Mommy have never done anything like this before either. We will all probably be a little scared. However, that very day will turn into one of the best days of our lives. We will be a family -- Sprout, out of all the wonderful things I have listed, this will be the most special. You will see your mommy and daddy and we will see you, our little son.

You will find that life changes fast. Sometimes change will be welcome and sometimes it can even be a bit scary. Daddy and Mommy will be here for you and God will be listening for your prayers. We all need to have the faith to step out and do what is necessary and what is right. Take comfort in knowing that you will never be alone. Your life in the outside world will be very different -- but we will be there waiting to immediately embrace you. As a family, we will take this new step in life together.

Love always,

Mommy

Love Letter

Dear Sprout,

I remember praying when I was a small child. My prayers were simple and usually sounded something like this, "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. God bless Nikki..." (I was so young, Aunt Becky wasn't even born yet!) However, I also remember praying for something else, and that was you. To the best of my memory, the first thing I ever asked God for was to be a mommy someday. You are the answer to a life-long prayer. I cannot tell you how my heart feels right now -- my words are incapable of expressing this.

From the moment I knew that I was pregnant, I had an intense love for you. It was not a gradual love, it was strong and instant. When I was six weeks pregnant, I had my very first ultrasound. You looked like the most beautiful grain of rice I had ever seen! As I was staring at you, the technician turned on the sound. I heard a strong heartbeat. I asked, "Is that my heartbeat?" She answered, "No. That is your baby's heartbeat." I was amazed that my little rice-baby could have such a powerful heart. I was awe-stricken and so was your daddy.

I have watched you grow for 40 weeks now. Thanks to technology, I have seen you develop from a grain of rice to a bean-shaped hurricane, from a two-inch baby to an infant with a fuzzy head. Soon, an ultrasound machine will no longer be needed. I will be able to see you with my eyes, touch you with my fingers, smell you with my nose, and kiss your little face with my lips. As I am writing this, my eyes are tearing up. However, I know that the actual experience will be beyond my imagination.

Sprout, your daddy and I promise to love you our entire lives. We will pray for you and thank God for you every single day. We will do our very bests to raise you and we will seek God's guidance before we make decisions. You will be an integral part of our lives. We are going to rock you to sleep, sing you lullabies, and read you stores. We are going to take you to all sorts of places. We are going to teach you about music and art and writing. We will take you to church and teach you about our Savior -- your heavenly father. When you are older, we will take you on mission trips so you can teach others about your Savior, too. There will be times when we will fail you, but I promise you that we will always try our bests. God bless you, Sprout. You will be in our arms soon, but you are already seared in our hearts.

Love always,
Mommy

Dirt

Dear Sprout,

Yesterday, our floor was cleaner than it has ever been. I swept and swept and swept. You see, you are going to be here soon and I so want everything to be perfect for you. In fact, when your dad got home, the first thing that came to his mind was how clean our floor was -- and I didn't even prompt him with, "What do you think about our floor?" I smiled as I looked at the straw-colored bamboo planks. I thought I was well on my way to becoming the next Donna Reed.

This morning I woke up and I looked at our floors. The dirt had returned. The culprit -- your four-legged sister, Shimmer. You see, Shimmer is a poodle; While she does not shed, her hair serves as a sponge that picks up and carries dirt into our house. (Side note: your sister has an appointment to be shaved tomorrow at precisely 3:00 pm). Oh well. I picked up the broom and swept once more.

Not long ago, I was very discouraged about our issue with dirt. I would get home from a long day at school, and the last thing I wanted to do was to sweep our floors. To be honest, many times I felt a bit overwhelmed. I told your daddy that I no longer wanted Shimmer. How was a supposed to have my little boy live in a house that had dirt on the floor? Fortunately, by this point, your daddy had grown accustomed to my neurotic pregnancy notions. Calmly, he reminded me how much I love Shimmer and how much she loves me. He told me that she requires us to work a little harder, but she brings us such happiness that she is worth extra effort. Then he said, "Anna, you do know that we are having a little boy. Do you know what our little boy will do? He will track dirt into our house, too." Up until that point, I had not thought about this obvious truth.

Sprout, your mommy promises to let you get dirty. In fact, I will let you play in dirt. You can dig for rolly pollies and worms. I pledge that I will delight in the mud pies that you will make just for me. You might even decide to satisfy your natural curiosity to see what dirt tastes like -- and I will try my best to refrain from freaking out and scrubbing your tiny tongue. When you are done getting soil under your finger nails and behind your ears, you will enter our house and leave a trail of dirt. Yes, letting you get dirty will mean extra cleaning for me, but it will be well worth it. Your daddy and I know that you will change our lives in a big way. We know that we will have more responsibilities than ever before and that we will have to work a bit harder as well. However, we will not mind one bit. We will let you be a little boy and we will encourage you to play, explore, and create -- even when it involves dirt. After all, that's why we have a broom!

Here's to you and to the dirt that will bring you such joy!

Love always,

Mommy

See and Celebrate

Dear Sprout,

This past December, your daddy turned 30. In order to celebrate his special day, I bought him a camera. I chose this gift because he loves photography and I knew that we could use it to take lots of pictures of you! Just a few weeks later, you and I gave him accessories to go with his camera for Christmas. I got him a tripod from Target and you got him a camera case made out of soy from Walmart! I must say Sprout, that was a pretty neat gift idea that you had!

You are going to love our house -- it reminds me of a cottage straight out of a fairytale. Although it is in a neighborhood, our little lot is filled with trees, bushes, and flowers. We have a dogwood tree, a Bradford pear tree, a plum tree, a cherry tree, tulips, and daffodils... A few weeks ago, our cherry tree was in all of her glory. Pale pink flowers covered her branches and limbs. Light breezes carried her petals and it looked as if we were having a beautiful, pink spring snow shower. Your daddy took pictures of our tree almost everyday after work.

Yesterday, as I stood on our porch and looked into our yard, I noticed that almost all of the pink blossoms had vanished. I expected them to be in scattered a circle at our tree's base, but they were not. There was no evidence that they had even existed. Now there are little green berries in their place. Although I am excited about seeing red cherries very soon, a part of me misses the flowers. Yes, they enjoyed a glorious reign, but it was very short indeed.

Sprout, you are getting ready to see amazing things. You will see brilliant fall leaves, graceful butterflies, powerful thunderstorms, and shooting stars. All of these are truly breathtaking, but all of them are also fleeting. Children seem to be better at recognizing the glory in things such as these -- but as we get older, we tend to overlook little miracles that are right in front of us. Photographs can remind us of what we have seen, but they cannot replace our first-hand experiences. Therefore, my little Sprout, be careful not to overlook even the smallest of splendors. When you skip stones, make sure to notice the resulting ripples. When you and Daddy walk through the woods, make sure to notice how squishy thick moss feels beneath your feet. If you ever find yourself in a place that seems to be bare and desolate, look closer and you will find a little something that will bring a smile to your face. Our world is a world of wonders -- don't miss a single one!


Love always,
Mommy

Don't Miss a Blessing

Yesterday afternoon, I started to not feel too well. In an attempt to rid myself of some mild pain and nausea, I put myself to bed. However, despite my attempts, I just could not get comfortable. This morning, I felt a bit better. However, as I was walking to the church building from the parking lot, my right leg started getting sharp pains. By the time I got to my pew, I was out of breath. As I sat among neatly dressed ladies, I could not help but feel "frumpy" in my too small maternity clothes and my old Keds. A pity party filled with such thoughts started to convene in my mind and as a result, my eyes started to get a little more moist than usual.

Since Sprout is due to be born this week, this might just be the last church Sunday for me for a little bit. Because of this, I asked Andrew if we could go to the church that I used to attend after our regular church service concluded. We do this from time to time, and I enjoy being a part of both services. He agreed and off we went to church number two.

At the beginning of our second service, the pastor asked a young deacon to pray. In the middle of his prayer, the deacon thanked God for children. He mentioned how he saw a dad walking his little boy to church and that the boy's curiostiy and enthusiasm touched his heart. As these words entered my ears, a strong conviction came over my heart. Why was I focusing on insignificant ailments when each little pang should be reminding me to be thanking God for my child?

I know that I am human and I know that I will become discouraged sometimes. I am aware of the fact that there will be times when I will think a little too much about myself. However, I also know that I need to catch myself when this happens. How sad it is that I could let self-consuming thoughts rob me from one of the biggest blessings in my life, even for just a few moments.

Lord, I would like to thank you for my baby boy. I know that he will be born very soon, and I would like to thank You for this special time where he abides in me. In some ways, my son and I are experiencing a closeness now that we will never have again. I thank you for allowing me to feel all of the little squirms, hiccups, and kicks. I thank You for blessing me with a time where I can take him everywhere with me. I thank you for a body that acts on behalf of a little baby that needs its protection. Lord, I ask your forgiveness for the times when I forget these things. Thank You, Father, for every single aspect of my pregnancy. You have blessed me beyond what I deserve.